Snowfall In December
by evieeden
Summary: Rosalie spends her first New Year with the Cullens in Denali.


**So this is my wintry fic for the year. It was going to be a Christmas story, but I decided to change it to New Year's instead. I hope you enjoy it.**

**As always, I own nothing and SM owns all.**

**Snowfall In December**

**RPOV**

I hated this.

I hated the cold, I hated the forests and I hated this place.

I hated that I was taken away from everything I knew and forced to live in this wilderness with these _people_. I hated that all of my dignity had been stripped from me, and I hated that everyone was constantly on tenterhooks around me.

Well, everyone apart from Edward, but he either avoided or ignored me most of the time.

I wasn't sure which was worse, being tiptoed around or not even being acknowledged.

I stared out of the window, surveying the bare land surrounding these clusters of wooden shacks. The only splash of colour came from the trees in the distance; all other plant life had succumbed to the harsh winter weather. Grey and brown, this entire site was just grey and brown.

It was a miserable, desolate place to be.

It wasn't like home, with the parks, the society and the bustle of the streets.

I idly noticed a brave squirrel venture close to one of the outbuildings before thinking better of it and scuttling away again. This was as exciting as it got.

"Rosalie."

A soft voice called my name and I winced at the thought of another stilted conversation with Esme. She meant well, I know she did; the warmth and sincerity practically dripped off her. She was just incredibly hard to be around. She wanted me to be happy and comfortable, yet I knew I would never be either of those things again, and to keep trying was just galling.

"Rosalie." Her voice was closer now and seconds later she knocked gently on the door to my room. "May I come in?"

I didn't reply, but I also didn't scream at her for once, so she took it as the good sign it was. The door creaked open and I felt her move inside. I didn't take my eyes off of the window; I couldn't look at her. I couldn't let her gather me in her arms, I couldn't hear her words of comfort, and I couldn't cry the tears I desperately wanted to.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as she came to stand next to me.

"It's getting colder. I expect if the weather continues like this we'll have snow before the day is out."

I nodded, but didn't give any other response. What else exactly was there to say about the Alaskan weather?

Esme wasn't offended by my silence though; she had grown used to it over the last few months. "We were thinking of getting together later and playing some party games, you know, pass the time together."

I didn't reply.

"You should join us," she prompted, brushing my shoulder with hers. I fought the urge to flinch away at the contact.

I didn't like people touching me anymore and yet everyone seemed to want to.

"No, thank you." My answer was quietly spoken, but succinct.

I didn't want to go downstairs and join our _family_. I didn't want to have to fake politeness in company, didn't want to sit there and make conversation and have them all stare at me pityingly. While they all respected my privacy, these people insisted upon sharing. Oh yes, they all knew. When we first got here Carlisle had had to explain to Kate, Tanya and Irina all about the mishap that had led to us being here.

They weren't my family, not Esme, Carlisle or Edward, and certainly not these other women. I didn't even particularly get on with any of them. I had begrudging respect for Carlisle and Esme – they were too kind and too patient to hold any kind of strong feeling against – but we didn't really talk or spend time together. Edward and I were both too stubborn to get along and found that avoiding each other saved any arguments.

The others...well.

I had been a beautiful human; I knew it and so did everyone else. It wasn't arrogance, it was just a fact. I had been disgruntled when the Cullens had moved to Rochester, each of them with an appearance more dazzling than my own. Now, as a vampire, I was back to being the most beautiful, the most lovely. It soothed my already battered and bruised ego. It had also created...problems...though with these _cousins_ of ours.

Kate seemed pleasant enough, her easy nature able to brush aside my reserved nature. Tanya and Irina hadn't been quite so obliging. Both ice blondes, although my hair had a warmer, richer tint to it, they had greeted my appearance and demeanour with sniggers and sneers.

No-one thought I listened; they all assumed that I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn't pay attention to anything other than myself. But as I stayed up here, drifting around my room aimlessly, I heard it all.

"_Who does she think she is...?"_

"_...such a prissy little..."_

"_...thinks she's better than us..."_

"_...not even that attractive really..."_

These slurs didn't hurt me though, they couldn't. It was all exactly the same as when I had been human. These women were over a thousand years old each, and yet they behaved exactly the same as the young women of my human life. It was almost comforting to realise that some things would never change.

There had only been one personal attack that had bothered me deeply so far. After we had been here for a short while, Esme had confided her hopes to Tanya and Kate that Edward and I would be mated. I knew it was what they hoped for, just as I knew it was not going to happen.

Tanya hadn't been aware of that though, and that was the day I found out about her fascination with Edward. I won't call it love, I'm fairly certain that it wasn't any emotion that pure, but more of an obsession born out of his refusal to succumb to her advances. I don't think that rejection was something that Tanya had experienced much of and she certainly didn't take it well.

Edward's dismissal of her...affections...seemed only to spur her on, rather than discourage her. She certainly believed, even now, that she could sway his mind.

She hadn't needed to be quite so cruel though.

"No wonder he wanted nothing to do with her. I mean, it's one thing to accept her as a lover, but to have _her_ as a mate – I'm not surprised he didn't want her, she's spoiled goods now.

_Spoiled goods_.

Never mind that those animals had attacked me, never mind that she had whored herself to dozens, hell, probably hundreds, of men. No. According to Tanya I was _spoiled goods_.

_How dare she say things like that about me?_

A cheap slut calling me spoiled goods! She ought to watch her language in the future before I tore her hair out; it would never re-grow if I did. All in all it was a strong case of the pot calling the kettle black.

Ever since then it had secretly pleased me to watch her pitiful attempts to get Edward's attention, and to watch him constantly snub her.

I refused to go down and sit in the same room as her though and smile as if nothing was wrong. She was utterly hideous, that was what was wrong with her.

"Rosalie?" Esme placed a concerned hand on my arm and I looked at it in confusion for a moment before finally making eye contact.

"Thank you for the kind offer, Esme." My words came out stiltedly. "But I think I may go hunting this evening instead."

"Oh!" She looked dismayed at herself. "I didn't realise you were so hungry. Of course you must eat. Do you want anyone to come with you?"

"No." I forced myself to smile at her. "I'd prefer to go by myself if you don't mind."

The worried look didn't leave her face, but she graciously accepted my words at face value. "Of course."

We continued to stand silently together for a while before she stirred. "I should leave you to get ready to go out then. Let me know if you change your mind about company."

My smile slipped slightly, but I still nodded in acknowledgment of her words. With one last squeeze to my arm, she left. My eyes returned to the view outside the window; it still hadn't become any more attractive.

I was going to have to go outside now as well. I didn't really need to hunt, although extra blood would never hurt, but I had told Esme that that was what I was going to do this evening, so that was what I would do. I refused myself the indignity of lying, no matter how much I wanted to just stand here in my sanctuary and stare out at the world.

Not for a while however. I could at least wait at least until nightfall before I left.

I could hear Carlisle and Esme talking below.

"Is she coming down?"

"No. She's going to go out hunting tonight instead."

"Alone?" I bristled at the concern evident in his voice. "Do you think she'll be safe going out by herself?"

"She'll be fine, Carlisle." There was Irina, interrupting the conversation. "After all she murdered those other men without drinking from them; I'm sure she can resist any ordinary human out here. Besides, it's the middle of winter. Who's going to be around?"

I hissed at the reminder of the deaths I had caused. I didn't feel guilty about them – everyone who had died deserved to – but I knew that Carlisle saw it as a failing on his part as my teacher and I disliked causing him distress.

"That's enough, Irina," Edward spoke up for me. "What's in the past is in the past. It doesn't do any good to constantly bring it up. Especially," he noted, "when you are well aware that she can hear you."

I heard Irina huff. "I was just saying."

She appeared to take what he had said to heart though, and any further conversation was conducted too low for me to hear.

I resumed my staring.

After a while, I heard Edward mutter something, and a moment later, he stepped out of the cabin and began to stride across the bare land towards the forest. He had barely made it halfway there before his name was called out and Tanya sprinted away from the porch of the cabin after him.

They talked for a while, Edward remaining impassive and Tanya obviously flirting with him. Pressing a hand against his chest, she leaned in say something in his ear, tilting her head coquettishly. Edward, however, wasn't playing. He stepped back and shook his head.

As he did, he glanced upwards and somehow found me, standing there in the window, watching him and Tanya. With one last look, he turned and ran into the forest. Tanya's shoulders visibly slumped, before she spun around to see what had caught his attention. Her face twisted into an ugly scowl when she saw me. I glared back at her, not about to cower away from her vitriolic stare, and she stomped back towards the cabin. I heard the door slam when she entered the house.

The sky was beginning to darken outside now. Time for me to hunt.

When I had first been taught how to track and feed animals, I had been horrified by how messy the whole practice was. I didn't have enough experience yet to not go home covered in dirt and blood. Luckily, Carlisle and then Edward had been gracious enough to lend me some of their old clothes to hunt in that they didn't mind me getting filthy. It helped that the pants were a lot more practical for running through the woods in than my skirts.

Slipping out of my clothes, I hung them neatly in the wardrobe before pulling out my hunting attire. I buttoned up the shirt, before neatly tucking it into the pants. A pair of adjusted suspenders helped to hold up the loose waistline. Carefully pinning my hair back, I surveyed myself in the full length mirror in my room. They were men's clothes, but I still managed to look decidedly feminine in them. They couldn't disguise my curves, couldn't hide the fact that I still looked beautiful.

I stuck my tongue out at myself and then opened the window I had been staring out of earlier. I preferred entering and exiting the house this way; it meant that I could avoid the sympathetic, and sometimes patronising, stares.

Vaulting out of the window, I landed lightly on my feet, the soft gravel underneath the soles of my shoes cushioning the fall. As I crouched in front of the cabin, I heard the soft murmurs of exclamation start up. Those inside were startled by my sudden appearance. Despite evidence to the contrary, they still believed that I would voluntarily subject myself to their scrutiny.

Choking back a snarl, I sprinted away from the cluster of buildings, away from the sight of my so-called family, away from the feeling of always being judged. The forest offered me a safe haven, the giant, close-growing trees providing me with a small measure of security. When I had first arrived here I had been stunned – there was nothing like this in Rochester. Sure, we had had our parks and our tree-lined streets, but to come from that to this...wilderness was shocking.

Everything was green and brown, there was no colour, no civilisation – although I supposed that was the point. It was all so terribly dreary, but there was a wildness here that appealed to me. This place was far from home and from the ordered civility of town. Here I could run, with no rules or expectations holding me back, the wind whipping through my hair as I jumped over roots and ducked under branches.

Yes, this was something that I liked about this existence. It was just a pity the rest of it was all so grim.

My nose twitched as the biting wind swirled towards me from the east. Blood, and nearby. I allowed myself a brief second to assess whether it was human or not and then let my instincts take over.

The thumping heartbeat that I could hear was like a homing device, unerringly guiding me towards my target. Inhaling sharply, my head swam with the rich almost spicy scent of a carnivore. I could feel my mouth watering at the thought of something more full-bodied than my usual diet of deer and elk. I had eaten a moose the other day, hoping that the larger mammal would be a more filling meal, but it seemed just as watered down as the other grass-eaters.

Spotting my prey, a growling mountain lion, I shifted on the balls of my feet, freezing in preparation of my attack. The lion crouched low on its haunches, letting out a warning roar, obviously aware of the danger it faced.

I leapt, only to sail past the now bare branch. Screeching in dismay and surprise, I skidded round to find that the lion was already dead, completely drained, Edward standing sheepishly over its body, not a speck of wasted blood on his body.

Anger raced through my veins. "That was my kill."

"I didn't know you had claimed it," he replied quietly, rationally.

God, I hated that everyone was so reasonable around me. Did no-one have feelings that they were willing to express?

"How did you not know?" I bit out. "I was right there, you could've seen me."

Edward shrugged. "I'm sorry. You were crouched down wind from me and I was concentrating on the hunt."

I shrieked wordlessly in frustration, enjoying Edward's flinch at the high-pitched sound. He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

"Look, Rosalie," he began, raising his hands up apologetically. "I'm sorry that..."

I interrupted him. "Of course you're sorry. Everyone's so sorry. And yet now I have to go and find myself some _lovely_ deer to eat because naturally, you have to have the best meal out there." I resisted the urge to stamp my foot petulantly, but inside I was seething at the loss of having a fulfilling meal for once.

The wind whipped through the trees around us, bringing a sharp new tangy scent to my nose. It wasn't the smell of new prey though, but almost as if nature was altering itself in front of me, confusing my senses. I sniffed tentatively.

"It's going to snow," Edward's voice interrupted my musings, and my eyes shot round to meet his curiously. "That new smell you can sense, that's the air changing above us. It's cold enough that it's going to snow soon."

"I know," I said softly, for once not biting his head off. "Esme said it would snow tonight."

He looked taken aback by my non-confrontational reply, but nodded quickly in agreement, one hand raking through his hair. "After a while, you learn to know what it all means – the scent of the air as it shifts, the sudden quietness and heaviness before a storm, the drag of moisture against your skin."

I shook my head. "I don't think that's just something that...we...can tell." I stumbled over using the word 'vampire'. I knew what I was. Knowing didn't make accepting it any easier though. Edward was looking at me quizzically though, so I explained. "Whenever there was a thunderstorm, when I was growing up, I used to get headaches beforehand. The air always felt too close and suffocating."

"I don't remember any of that," he offered. "I barely remember the important events and people in my human life, let alone the feelings I had."

I hadn't known that he couldn't remember. I knew that holding onto my memories as I did was rare among our kind; most others could only remember parts of their human lives, normally whatever had the greatest impact upon them. I knew that Edward, being young, only recalled his desire to fight in the Great War and the pain of losing his parents to the influenza epidemic; Carlisle mostly recalled memories of his domineering father and Esme could only recollect the most traumatizing moments of her life.

I tried to remember everything – my friends, my family, how I had lived, what I had done, what I had thought and how my life had ended. Yes, it was important to me that I remembered everything, that once upon a time I wasn't just this unnatural creature.

I snapped back to reality as Edward stepped towards me, one hand raised tentatively. I realised that he must have been reading my thoughts and moved forward to offer me comfort.

I stepped back.

I didn't like him being this close to me. I didn't like anyone being that close to me. And the fact that he could read every thought I had just made it worse. All of my disgrace and shame laid bare for him to see.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped. "And stay out of my head in the future."

Edward retreated, his movements slow and composed, a frown splashed across his face. "It's not as easy as that, Rosalie. I can't just turn my ability off and you can't switch off your thoughts."

He was speaking the truth, and while a part of me accepted that and even felt sorry for him given what he must endure, I needed to protect myself so no-one could ever hurt me again.

"Try harder! And don't steal my kills again."

With that said, I turned and ran; I needed to get away from Edward and his all too knowing gaze.

Crashing through the forest with decidedly less grace than before, I had to rely on my speed, rather than stealth, to take out a passing elk. It wasn't very fulfilling and I lamented the loss of the mountain lion from earlier. Stupid Edward, stealing my food.

It was just another thing to add to my depression – the landscape, the people, the 'family', the food. Even though I knew it was impossible for me to cry now, I still felt the venom begin to well up in my eyes. In that moment, I wished that I could cry. If I could just throw a good, old-fashioned tantrum with screeching and wailing and shouting and sobbing, I knew I would feel better for it. Just letting all the doubt and hurt and upset out would do me a world of good...but I couldn't. It was just one more thing denied to me as a vampire.

Stumbling away from my now-drained meal, I wandered aimlessly through the forest, not in any hurry to go back to the cabins and have to deal with Carlisle, Esme and Kate's worry and Tanya and Irina's sneering disapproval.

A glint of light up ahead caught my attention and I walked in that direction curiously. I had never been this far from the cabins by myself before; I usually stuck closer by in case something went wrong, but my clumsy hunt had led me further out into the wilderness.

A gap in the trees ahead revealed a small circular lake, completely surrounded by the woodland and coated by a sheet of ice. Even though I didn't want to, I could see the beauty in the landscape here. The view would be even more perfect if it hadn't been bordered by the endless sea of brown that I despaired of.

As if the heavens had heard my silent pleas, they suddenly opened and I was showered with white, fluffy snowdrops. It came down thick and fast, coating the trees and ground around me. I shook my head to dislodge the snow that landed on me. Within minutes the entire forest was covered in white, hiding the murky colours that had haunted me since I had first been brought here.

It made everything look cleaner, brighter, made over into new again.

I could see every detail of the snowflakes that fell and I couldn't stop gasping at sight. I held out my hand and allowed the perfectly formed crystals to settle gently against my palm.

At first I was entranced as the snow rested against my skin within melting, but then it hit me once more as to why that was and I crushed the ice in my fist, strangely satisfied by the destruction of the snowflakes – they weren't so perfect any more.

With that thought on my mind, I immediately set about ridding myself of any snow that had settled on me. I scowled up at the sky. What had previously appeared as a blessing was now just one more annoyance, just one more simple pleasure ruined.

I sighed heavily, taking my frustration out on the world. Sinking to the ground, I buried my face in my hands, not even bothering to try to weep – I had already learnt that it would do me no good and the venom would just sting my eyes.

I didn't know how long I sat there for; long enough for my clothes to grow damp and heavy as the snow endlessly pelted me.

Then, as quickly as it had begun, the severity of the storm ended, the last few flurries dancing across the lake. Only a few small snowflakes now floated down from the cloudy sky. I stayed where I was, the cold meant nothing to me. Lifting my head, I thanked God that at least the prevailing brown landscape was now completely coated in white.

My eyes shot to my left as a crunching sound hit my ears – someone was walking in the forest, their shoes crushing the white earth beneath them. The footsteps turned and they headed in my direction unerringly. It confused me for a second that I could be found so easily, but realisation struck when I caught Edward's scent.

I pulled myself out of the defensive crouch my body had automatically jerked into, carefully lowering myself gracefully so I was sat, back straight, shoulders back, nonchalantly gazing over the frozen lake when he arrived. It wouldn't do for anyone to see me at less than my best – my mother had drilled into me the need to keep up appearances – even though I knew that Edward had seen me at my absolute worst.

I was aware of every move that he made, despite refusing to look at him directly. He approached me cautiously; I imagined that he was looking for an apology.

"I'm not," he replied softly to my thoughts. "I just thought I would bring you a peace offering."

A peace offering?

My head turned unbidden in his direction. He had something slung over one of his shoulders, a mammal of some kind – something that smelt new and interesting. It wasn't moving, but its heart still beat; he must have done something to it beforehand before bringing it here. Any fully conscious beast would be fighting tooth and nail to get away from us.

Shrugging, he set it down beside me. It was a wolf, an unusual mix of grey and brown fur covering its body. I had never seen one this close before, never drank wolf blood. My hunting area had been limited by Carlisle and Esme, given how new to this life I was, and it was only recently that I had been allowed and trusted to hunt by myself. I had stuck close to the cabins though, familiarity with the landscape bringing me comfort. There were no wolf packs that I knew of in this area – it was as if they could sense the danger that might befall them if they ventured too close to Denali – so I had never had the opportunity to try it.

The venom welled up uncontrollably in my mouth and I swallowed it down uncomfortably. I shifted closer to the animal, but managed to compose myself enough so that I didn't just frantically leap on the body and tear it to shreds in an effort to get to the blood that lay just under the surface.

"You're giving this to me?" I wanted to be certain of what he was offering here.

"I did steal your meal earlier, so I thought I better find a replacement carnivore to make it up to you." He grinned, but I scowled back in reply. His face fell into its normal disgruntled expression. "No strings attached, this is just my way of saying sorry."

I didn't wait to hear anymore. I jumped on the wolf, draining it within seconds, cupping my hands around the incision my teeth had made in an effort to try and control the blood that flowed freely. I didn't succeed entirely, but it was a lot cleaner than most of my other feeds.

When I looked up, Edward was watching me intently, and I self-consciously wiped my mouth, cursing the blood that I knew would be smeared across it. Scurrying over to the lake, I cracked the ice at the edge and hurriedly washed my hands and face of the evidence of my kill.

My hands shook as the red stains ran over my hands and vanished away into the water, washing away my sins.

Edward had disappeared, and so had the wolf's body, so presumably he had left to dispose of it somewhere. With a full stomach, I settled back against a tree, licking my lips to catch any remnants of blood. I had been right – elk's blood had nothing on this.

"I take it from the look on your face that this means I've been forgiven?" Edward was back and although I had liked his gift, I wasn't prepared to give in and admit it.

"You shouldn't make assumptions like that."

He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Thank you for thinking to get something for me to eat," I conceded stiltedly. "It was very...considerate of you."

Edward's mouth twitched, but he didn't tease me or make a mocking comment like I thought he would. "You're welcome."

I nodded. He took my silent admission as an invitation and sat down next to me. We didn't speak, we just sat next to each other. There were no arguments, no insults, just quiet reflection.

Eventually the silence got too much for me to bear. "So, how come you're out here with me when you could be back at the cabins with the rest of the family, playing games and celebrating the end of the year?"

"I'm not sure that they're celebrating the end of the year, so much as the beginning of the new one."

I shrugged. "It's a celebration none the less. So why aren't you back there, marking in the _new year_ with the rest of the family?"

Edward grimaced and avoided my question. "Why aren't _you_?"

"What? Spend my evening being laughed and pointed at by the terrible two? No, thank you." I smoothed my hands down my pants, erasing any imaginary creases. "I've had enough of that just sitting in my room; I'm not going to give them further ammunition by actually spending time with them."

Edward was quiet for a minute. "They're just jealous."

I laughed. "Because I'm _so_ much more beautiful than them." I rolled my eyes.

"You haven't heard what I've heard though." He tapped the side of his head with his index finger. Of course – he would be able to hear what they were thinking.

"What do you hear then?" My curiosity got the better of me.

Edward shook his head, that rueful half-smile flashing again. "They're just jealous. Irina's upset that you're physically more beautiful than her. She's been considered the most attractive of the sisters for centuries. It aggravates her that someone like you – a baby in her eyes – could come along and steal that title away from her."

This was fascinating. "And Tanya?"

He coughed and shifted awkwardly, his fingers tearing through his hair, displaying his unease with the subject. "Tanya..." He paused and then tried again. "Tanya has been fostering an unfounded belief that she and I would..."

He couldn't continue; embarrassment and chivalry stilling his tongue. I finished the sentence for him.

"Tanya thinks that you and she belong together... Biblically," I added rather cattily.

"That's not going to happen. But unfortunately she's rather...persistent."

"Is that why you're out here?" I asked incredulously. "You're running away from her?"

Edward looked insulted. "I did not run away from her. I just felt that perhaps we weren't looking at the same situation in quite the same way, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I left."

"You ran away," I stated smugly.

He choked back a protest and then shook his head laughing. "Like the coward I am."

I thought of his blond stalker, coming at him every second of the day, determined to steal his virtue. On some level, I understood how that felt. He had every right to refuse Tanya's advances if he wanted; and she should respect that he had ever so politely declined her.

He inclined his head towards me. "Thank you."

We sat in silence again, but this time it wasn't uncomfortable.

This wasn't too bad...sitting with Edward, talking to him. It was all surprisingly easy. Maybe that was because we didn't have any expectations of each other. We didn't like each other, didn't want anything from each other – it took all the pressure off.

"Is everyone really that bad?" He picked through my brain and I snarled at him.

"I thought I told you not to do that," I snapped.

"Sorry." He held his hands up and shook his head. I eyed him suspiciously, but his apology seemed sincere enough. "The thoughts come unbidden to me; I can't help but read them."

"I know." It was very begrudgingly spoken.

I looked away, staring at the changed landscape.

"No."

"I beg your pardon?" Edward's head swivelled and I could see him studying me out of the corner of my eye.

"No, it's not so bad," I waved an arm at the lake, "especially when it all looks like this. I don't mind being stuck here when it looks like this. Before it snowed, it all just seemed so..."

"Barren?" Edward suggested.

I agreed with him. "Barren. Lifeless."

He sighed and stretched his arms out, resting them on his knees. "If we're lucky, the snow will stay until spring and then the greenery will emerge, and bring colour with it."

"Real colour?" I asked sceptically. "Not just more green and brown?"

"Wildflowers, in all sorts of real colours," Edward confirmed.

"It would be nice to see," I murmured.

"Everything looks a lot better when the sun's shining."

I couldn't help the burst of laughter that escaped me. Deep in the forest, I heard a nest of birds startle at the unexpected noise in the quiet.

"Absolutely," I acceded. "Better and more sparkling."

This time it was Edward's turn to laugh. "Yeah, that's not my favourite part of the deal either."

"So what is?" My curiosity was peaked. I wanted to know someone else's perspective on this whole state of being, but my innate stubbornness had kept me from asking.

"Well," Edward hesitated, "it's certainly not the mind-reading. It comes in handy, but most of the time, it's just a burden."

"Yeah," I smiled bitterly, my mood shifting quickly. "I know all about those."

Poor little Rosalie - so beautiful. So cripplingly beautiful.

"Speed." Edward dragged me out of my morose thoughts and I welcomed the distraction. "That's my favourite part. The speed."

"I like the invulnerability," I blurted out, slightly horrified by my indiscretion.

Edward didn't mention my discomfort though – ever the gentleman. "Yes, being able to survive most things that would kill a human certainly can be an advantage."

I wordlessly thanked him for his prudence.

The next words were forced out though. I needed to say them out loud, even though I didn't want to. "Being part of a family is nice as well."

Now I had Edward's full attention. "I thought you had brothers? And your parents?"

"Yes, but..." I struggled with what I wanted to say. "You're all attractive too...so me looking like this doesn't really matter. You all talk _to_ me, not _at_ me because you think I'm stupid to understand. You can all... You can all see beyond my appearance, because when I'm with you and Esme and Carlisle, I'm just ordinary, just Rosalie. It's...nice."

My little speech ended more feebly than it had started, but I hoped he could hear the sentiment I was trying to convey. I knew I could be difficult. I knew I had locked up all my feelings in a bubble in the hope that if I kept them tightly under wraps, I wouldn't start screaming and never stop – that I wouldn't become of those uncontrollable, feral newborns that I had been told so much about.

"None of us would ever do you the injustice of thinking you stupid, Rosalie."

It was the most incongruous thing he could have picked out from what I had said, but it seemed like Edward was picking the path of least embarrassment...for both of us.

He was a good person, annoying though he may be.

They all were.

It wasn't what I would have chosen for myself, but it wasn't the worst place to end up.

"It gets easier," he offered. "After the first year. It never becomes completely painless or...good...in any way. But after a while, it gets easier, and then the new world you live in doesn't seem that bad."

His words weren't hopeful, but they gave me hope.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and held out my hand, praying that Edward wouldn't make me explain myself and my sudden need for contact, for comfort. I didn't touch people or let them touch me, especially men, so for me to do this... The tightness in my chest didn't loosen until he took it, holding my hand gently between us. He understood. Despite it all, he understood.

He didn't speak, and I was grateful.

We just sat there, watching the snow-covered world go by, at the beginning of a new year.


End file.
